Tuesday’s Teaching Memo:
by Marge Piercy
This girlchild was born as usual
and presented dolls that did pee-pee
and miniature GE stoves and irons
and wee lipsticks the color of cherry candy.
Then in the magic of puberty, a classmate said:
You have a great big nose and fat legs.
She was healthy, tested intelligent,
possessed strong arms and back,
abundant sexual drive and manual dexterity.
She went to and fro apologizing.
Everyone saw a fat nose on thick legs.
She was advised to play coy,
exhorted to come on hearty,
exercise, diet, smile and wheedle.
Her good nature wore out
like a fan belt.
So she cut off her nose and her legs
and offered them up.
In the casket displayed on satin she lay
with the undertaker’s cosmetics painted on,
a turned-up putty nose,
dressed in a pink and white nightie.
Doesn’t she look pretty? everyone said.
Consummation at last.
To every woman a happy ending.
Marge Piercy’s “Barbie Doll” is an example of every little girl’s life in our world. She is born naturally, a clean slate full of potential and self-identity, but soon, she is introduced to the roles she will play in life via her toys: peeing baby dolls for motherhood, irons and kitchens for her wifely duties as a domesticated woman, and lipstick with which to beautify herself. She must be all these three things: perfect mother, wife, and woman.
Even though she is intelligent, strong, healthy with a normal sex drive, she is told that she is not perfect physically. Her life is then spent in pursuit of physical perfection, trying to please those around her who ” advised to play coy, exhorted to come on hearty, exercise, diet,
smile and wheedle” (12-14). Born into a world, a society in which the rules and norms of gender behavior have already been written, girls have no chance at individuality, at loyalty to one’s self, and self-definition. From the moment she is wrapped in pink at the hospital, she is continually defined — her potential, her intelligence, her career choices, her sex, her body, her choices are all prescribed — and if she is to be different, to be herself as she defines herself, then she has to be strong. She has to be like Marge Piercy. She has to fight for her voice and her right to be self-defined, and this is a hard fight because everyone will turn against her. She will be told each and every moment of her existence that she is an anomaly, an aberration of true femininity. She will live her life like an outcast, her voice reverberating in the echoes of angst and silence. She will be alone.
Piercy states in her last line, “To every woman a happy ending,” which is an ironic statement since it has a double meaning. Every girl is told that to have a happy ending, she must find her prince. All the princesses we introduce our daughters to have happy endings when they are saved by their princes, handsome prizes of masculinity. What’s ironic about this last line, laced with cynicism and disdain, is that the girl in this poem does not have a happy ending despite the fact that “she cut off her nose and her legs and offered them up” (17-18) for approval and acceptance. Pressured by society’s needs, she sacrifices her own needs, her true and authentic self just so at the end of her life, the onlookers can call her “pretty.”
Question:How do you fight against these social constructions set in place to define our girls?
Do you feel great resistance? Were you ever told to act coy, give in, stop fighting? Share your views.
Copyright© 2010 by Marina DelVecchio. All Rights Reserved.
Copyright secured by Digiprove © 2010 Marina DelVecchio
Honestly, I think that is mostly exaggeration. Men and women have different roles in the family and sadly this bleeds into society. Women are seen in a different light…but not always negative. Women need to realize their strength within the gifts God has given them.
Now to the statement that we, as women, give up who we are so in the end we look pretty…that is also exaggerated. It may take more of a fight but this no more than a minority had to suffer through to prove him or herself. Men fall under the same pressure to live up to a mold as women. The answer is to fight against it but at the same time win the game. Be a beautiful YOU and go for your goals. In the end, that will be respected. Women should not fear only being remembered for looks or lack there of…the should fear not being remembered for accomplishments. Those who accomplish will be remembered. This idea that women have all this pressure is just a mask to keep women from thinking they can succeed. The pressure is there if you allow it to be there. Stand tall, be proud of being feminine and accomplish all the Good Lord has for you. As long as you are walking the path of truth you need not worry about looking like a Barbie doll. However, I must say I do not see Barbie dolls as the breakdown of womanhood…but that’s another story.
Yes, Richele, there are more pressing issues that continue to denigrate women’s place in our society. But at least we’re talking about them. Thanks for visiting and commenting
I appreciated this post . . . we’ve come a long way, and yet still have so far to go. As a woman of a certain age, I would add this to the ‘make yourself beautiful for the prince’ paradigm — It’s okay to be smart, but not too smart. I’m thankful to have come of age in the Sixties, when at least everything was beginning to be questioned.
Never, I totally get your point, but i wonder if men feel they havent gotten to there potential because there mothers seem to be holding them back. So many mammas boys nowadays, all living home well into there 30s or even 40s. I bet alot of successful women wish there were more men who stood up to there potential. We all need to be the best we can be. I think parents need to stress this to girls as well as boys.
Helaine, men at least have the options of reaching their potential. Society restricts their emotions, but from birth they are told that they can do anything they want to do. Of course, there are exceptions depending on family dynamics, social class, and race — but generally, men have the freedom to achieve at great proportions if they want. It’s all up to them in the end. Same with women — they can refuse to subscribe to the norms prescribed upon their potential, or they can ignore them and do as is expected of them. Not every woman has to fight this fight.
Agreed
Hi! Gender schmender…I teach my daughter that she can do anything and play with anything she desires. :)
Come on over to Mommy Rantings for my first give away of this holiday season…
My partner and I really enjoyed reading this blog post, I was just itching to know do you trade featured posts? I am always trying to find someone to make trades with and merely thought I would ask.
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