The following is a video was created by Reflections of Motherhood. It asks the question: If you could go back to before you had your first child, what would you say to yourself about mothering/parenting? The video is composed of so many things I would have said to myself — things I try to tell myself today to make me feel better. Parenting is the hardest job I have ever been assigned in life, and I make daily mistakes…hourly mistakes. The guilt is immeasurable — and yet, it makes me understand my mothers better — and forgiveness possible.
How about you? If you could go back to the time that your first baby was still moving and kicking inside you, what would you tell yourself about mothering/parenting?
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I would definitely have set myself up for getting more help and expecting more out of my husband. I felt empowered by being a new mom so I felt like I should do everything but also felt overwhelmed. I would have insisted on more care for ME! I really do not identify with feelings of mom-guilt — not including a painful incident with my son in his carseat. If only he could tell me something was poking his back everytime we got in the car for 2 months :(. So he just screamed until I discovered the problem. Poor baby.
What makes you feel guilty? I really don’t think it is what women do away from kids that makes some feel guilty in so much that we are made to feel that things outside of being a mom are MORE important. I think we know that all parts are equally important. It’s tough to have to struggle with measuring ourselves in this way.
I think a lot of women think that they have to do everything when they have a baby for the first time — they want to and they feel like it’s their job. My husband did everything for me when my son was born — he set up a feeding and sleeping system, and in the hospital, he changed his diapers and fed him. I was too scared to hold my son. My daughter was easier since I had already been there and done that, but nothing prepared me for motherhood. Men should do as much as women when it comes to kids — they’re just as competent, and most women I know regret the fact that they started off on the wrong foot — doing almost all of kid stuff — their husbands never gained confidence. Thanks for still reading, Heather. I’m getting to yours, just busy with job hunting. You remember what that’s like, since you’re my hero. :)