This post has been syndicated by BlogHer: http://www.blogher.com/santa-doesnt-live-here-anymore-how-santas-wish-list-teaches-consumerism
It’s that time, again. Christmas time. It’s the time of the year when other parents and kids start introducing my children to the proverbial Santa’s gift list. Of course, my kids don’t know what anyone is talking about because my kids do not write out a wish list for Santa. Once or twice my son asked me about it, and I just told him that he does not need to ask Santa for gifts — Santa is all-knowing and aware of what all kids like.
And it’s not because I’m a curmudgeon or a Scrooge. I love Christmas. It is the warmest and loveliest holiday for me — but I don’t like what Christmas has come to represent. It’s all about consumption, greed, and wastefulness among children. People storm through the doors of the mall and smaller chain stores with scroll-long lists of gifts to purchase for teachers, their kids and spouses, in-laws, nephews and nieces, neighborhood kids, kids of friends — the list is endless, and no one really has such deep pockets — at least not anyone I know. Yet, they spend their money on gift cards and toys and scented baskets, their money expenditure fading out what’s really important about Christmas — being with your family, surrounded by love and deeply felt connections. Christmas today is all about the kids — as it should be — but it’s all about breeding greed in them. Spending hundreds of dollars on individual children is wasteful — take that money and put it away for College or buy them bonds for the future, especially now when none of us really knows what the future will hold. I don’t see the point on spending all my money on toys that will be forgotten after a few weeks or months, only to be replaced by new toys.
Don’t get me wrong, I love buying presents for others. Just not everyone and everyone’s kids I know. Among those who know me, I have a reputation for being a very thoughtful shopper/gift giver. When I buy for kids or loved ones, I think carefully about what they need or what their interests are in. And I do this because when you give a gift, it should be a personal one. I suppose this is why Christmas gift-giving has lost its appeal for me — because it’s done for the masses. When you have a long list of kids and family to shop for — you don’t have time to make each gift personal — so they get what’s on sale or what is age appropriate — or what really kills me — a gift card. There’s nothing personal or thoughtful about that. I don’t believe that kids should be given money, but that’s just me.
Which brings me to Santa’s list of “Gimme, Gimme.” I don’t have my kids ask Santa for gifts. I don’t want them to ask for gifts. Period. I don’t want them to grow up feeling entitled. Not even when their aunts call them from NY to ask what they want for their birthdays or from Kris Kringle. I never ask kids what they want. I listen to their conversations, I keep up to date with what kids their age are into, and when I need to shop for them, I shop for each individual child in mind. I’m old school. Kids get what they get, and they should be thankful they are getting what they are getting. There are kids out there that get nothing. And they should be aware of these realities. They should feel the glow of the advantages their lives are wrapped in. In this way, the gifts they receive will have more value to them.
I don’t use Santa’s name to get my kids to behave; I use God’s influence for that. But they do know that Santa comes to our house Christmas Eve and delivers one or two presents for each of them — because he is kindly and thoughtful. And my children know that what they do want for Christmas, they may or may not get from Santa, but it’s not polite to ask him for anything. Therefore, Santa does not receive any letters from our house, the way that he never received letters from me when I was little. And because I didn’t ask him for anything, Santa gave me presents without feeling obligated to do so — and it felt that much sweeter when I received gifts from him others.
The first present I ever received was from my adoptive mother during one of her three mandated visits to Greece before being given the right to adopt me. She gave me a nutcracker soldier. Because my childhood prior to my adoption was more about surviving than Santa and presents, it really didn’t mean anything to me — at least the toy didn’t. At the age of eight, I didn’t know how to play with him. But I loved receiving a present from my new mom — and that is how I want my kids to feel when someone gives them presents. I want them to be far and few in between, so that they will appreciate them better. I want them to revel in its reception and value the act of giving as much as the person who gave it to them — not in the thing. The thing — the present — is replaceable, breakable, an object. And that’s why a few weeks later, I gave the toy to my social worker’s son during a sleep-over. I had already received my gift — I was getting a new mother who wanted to offer me a home with her. The boy had never seen a nutcracker soldier before, and I gave it to him without thinking, without feeling the loss of its absence. In fact, I was filled with the feeling that comes when you give — it’s intangible, fulfilling, and lasts much longer than the actual present. I suppose this is what I want for my kids: to receive a present and have no qualms in offering it to someone else — because the other child likes it, because they like him, because they know that their relationship is deeper and more important than the actual gift.
And when my 7 year old’s voice reaches my ears and says, “Mom, all I want for Christmas is a ZsuZsu pet so that my other one will have a friend, to wish Jesus a Happy Birthday, and to be with my family,” I hear words that make me marvel at his genuine goodness, his spirituality, his innocence, and I know that I’m doing right by him.
What’s your take on Santa’s List and Consumerism?
While you’re typing in your response, watch Mariah Carey’s early version of the hit “All I Want for Christmas is You.”
Copyright© 2010 by Marina DelVecchio. All Rights Reserved.
Copyright secured by Digiprove © 2010 Marina DelVecchio
These are some really interesting thoughts on the whole Santa wish list. I’ve never thought about it quite this way. On the question of giving money to kids
– my kids, who are a little older than yours, 11 and 14, don’t really want or need any things. :What they want to do is hang out with their friends. So in my view giving them money gives them the opportunity to do the things they enjoy with their friends, rather than collecting things. Also, lots of teens like music, so gift certificates for mp3 downloads seem like a good idea, since you can’t wrap a digital file! What do you think?
Erin, I completely agree with you. My two nephews are 15 and 18, and they’re getting itunes gift cards because that is the only thing they want and can use. My kids are too little for that. But yes, I see the benefits of those kind of gift cards. Someone else also pointed out barnes and nobles gift cards, and I like that idea a lot. You want to buy books — I’ll give you as much money as you want — within reason. Thanks for getting in on the conversation — wasn’t sure how this post would go off…
Talk about curmudgeons: I hate buying presents. I like when kids (nieces, nephews, granddaughter) get to an age where they prefer money. My husband and I go out to dinner to celebrate big days (although he’s a curmudge also, and so we delight in going out for Valentines Day on the 13th!)
Lynne, I love the idea of Valentine’s Day on the 13th. My husband and I do nothing on the 14th because it’s so ridiculously commercialized. Hate the flower and chocolate crap too. Just want a nice, quiet dinner with my husband on a day that is not crowded. Making each other feel special every day or every other day, not just on V-day.
Thanks for posting and reading … not exactly in that order.
Pingback: Marina Delvecchio
Pingback: Marina Delvecchio
Marina, nicely written. I grew up in a house where Baby Jesus brings you presents that get opened at midnight on Christmas eve. Santa’s not traditionally part of our culture. I remember her pointing out to me one year that there is no magical man bringing us free stuff. She bought it all and works hard for the money to buy these things so cherish and take care of them! My kids know Santa but I want to make sure they understand that the holidays are about being with family and having special traditions.
Thanks, Tannia. I like your mom. And it sounds like you and I are trying to meet our mothers in the middle — Santa without the frivolity. It’s a good combo.
I think the 5-7 age is pretty hard to buy for anyway…. That being said, my daughter really just wants and easel and a box of muffins. She wants to use her easel to learn to read and use her sight words and also to draw. I love her creatvie side. (well i pretty much love everything about my girl). When i tried to get some more ideas from her she told me if santa brings her gifts she doesnt really need anything and would like to not open them and just give them to charity for the kids that dont have anything. … That is except for the easel. I think we will donate to toys for tots this year. It will be great for her to pick something out to give to a child less fortunate. We are a non religious family but family IS our religion and it works for us..
Happy Holidays
She sounds like a sweetheart, Helaine.